Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year!

2009 is ending on a very low note. May 2010 let me rise again. To all of you - a Happy New Year!. This will be the year of the Tiger. I am told the Tiger will protect us against fires, thieves and ghosts. Cheers to that.


Thursday, December 17, 2009

Epic Fail

Things haven't been going very well for me the last few months. As you may recall I tapered off anti-depressants which I was taking for a panic anxiety disorder (with specific phobia). As of September 1st I was drug free and thought I was handling it pretty well. Unfortunately from October on I began experiencing some new (and some old) symptoms, and by Thanksgiving break was pretty much reduced to a sad little whimpering mess. It was pretty tough going for a while there as I had a really hard time eating and even sleeping. I lost a bunch of weight, was having panic attacks approximately 15 hours out of every day. Not good! So to my great chagrin and after much soul searching I went back on the meds.

It has been three weeks now since I started taking them again. It is supposed to take about a month for them to kick in properly. I have noticed a slight reduction in the number of panic attacks (only about 3-4 per day). The rest of the time I just have anxiety, which is basically panic lite. Among my new problems are intrusive repetitive thoughts. It may help to think of them as a sort of OCD. These have been very unfortunate as I have not had much experience with OCD before and was not prepared for it. Unfortunately the thoughts have not decreased in intensity or quantity (they are with me almost all the time), which I find very disheartening. Panic attacks, though unpleasant, have been my companions for a decade now, and though I may not like them, I know how to deal with them. This business of not having your head to yourself is far more distressing, in my opinion.

I have not given up hope yet. This week I have had two fairly good days (though not in a row), which makes me hope for more better days to come. I am going to continue with the meds and I am seeing a therapist twice a week, which helps a little bit. I have not felt up to much blogging lately, but I thought I would post this update.

Among many things I have not had a chance to blog about since this setback began, was the passing of our sweet kitty Sophie. She did not come home one day and after much searching we finally located her collar (torn and missing pieces) and many clumps of her fur. We believe that something attacked her, though we are not sure what could have done it. It has been over a month since she's disappeared and we still miss her. Rest in peace sweet kitty.