Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Joe Republican by Jeff Parker

Joe Republican

by Jeff Parker on Thursday, November 19, 2009 at 12:11am

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised. All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too. He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry. In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air. He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It's noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FDIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression. Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe is home from work.

He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

A friend of mine posted this to my FB page. Now let me ask....read this with some objectivity and does it make sense? If I were an alien (not from Mexico but from Mars) and just landed and read this, I would come to believe that every thing we have, all of our freedoms, our innovation, our pharmaceuticals, cars, industry, science discoveries, success, was due to either unions or the government. That is simply not true. It makes for sensational hyperbolic blogs and posts, but it just isn't true. Government and if you must....unions....have their place...(with unions I think it's more like "had" their place) but our place in world history, our great achievements and success cannot be laid at the altar of government and unions. It is because the hard work ethic and unlimited possibilities we experience in our great country.

Paulina said...

I rather think that's precisely the point, that all that is good in this country has come about in great part due to progressive minded leaders who thought that a well educated, well taken care of people will have a better life and achieve greater heights. I can scarcely think of what conservatives have done for this country that could be considered beneficial, other than possibly provide a balance to some more outlandish liberal ideas. So objectively, it does make sense.
Finally, you speak of the government as if it were somehow separate from the people, a sort of dictator that imposes it's will on the people, rather than being of the people. With all it's inevitable flaws America is still a democracy, the current president is there because a majority of Americans wanted him in charge and still do. Equally importantly the House is now in Republican hands because that is what American voters wanted.
And as for unions, this piece talks of their past achievements, which have been great and for which I am grateful.

Anonymous said...

Joe happens to be African American and enjoys the freedom to do all of the tasks listed, because some dumb republican fought and died to end slavery.

Paulina said...

I would posit that Lincoln, though Republican in name, was of the more progressive party at the time. In fact the very argument during the Lincoln Douglas debate was whether the government could step in and abolish slavery or if it should be up to the individual states. When these issue come up today, today's Republicans, i.e. conservatives, always lean towards state rather than federal rights, and moan about Big Government. So abolishing slavery, points to the liberals.

Anonymous said...

Paulina, I will respectfully say that Republicans have been a champion of civil rights since the time of Lincoln. So, abolishing slavery goes to the republicans, as most democrats fought to keep it in place.

Republicans like John E. Milholland also helped to establish the NAACP in 1909, whereas southern democrats started the Ku Klux Klan. Martin Luther King Jr., the spearhead of the Civil Rights Movement, was a republican. I should also note that George W. Bush appointed two African Americans to two of the most important positions of government, National Security Advisor and Secretary of State.


To the author of this post, I would like to say the following:

Theodore Roosevelt, a republican, also established 150 National Forests, five national parks, and 18 national monuments... so without republicans, we wouldn't have some of our most treasured parks.

To say that we have all of the things listed solely because "some liberal" fought for them, is not only ignorant, but it is so incorrect. Your research is really piss poor, and your information is largely unfounded. For example, you lack the evidence that the Parisian who started public transportation via Omnibus in 1662 was in fact liberal.

You're confusing the popular definition of today’s liberal with someone who actually sees a problem and has the initiative to produce a solution for it. Dependence on the government to live is not in any way progress.

Anonymous said...

Your argument is irrelevant. Republicans have been a champion of civil rights since the time of Lincoln. So, abolishing slavery goes to the republicans, as most democrats fought to keep it in place. Republicans like John E. Milholland also helped to establish the NAACP in 1909, whereas southern democrats started the Ku Klux Klan. Martin Luther King Jr., the spearhead of the Civil Rights Movement, was a republican. I should also note that George W. Bush appointed two African Americans to two of the most important positions of government, National Security Advisor and Secretary of State.


Theodore Roosevelt, a republican, also established 150 National Forests, five national parks, and 18 national monuments... so without republicans, we wouldn't have some of our most treasured parks.

To say that we have all of the things listed solely because "some liberal" fought for them, is not only ignorant, but it is so incorrect. Your research is really poor, and your information is largely unfounded. For example, you lack evidence that the Parisian who essentially started public transportation (omnibus) in 1662 was in fact liberal.

You're confusing the popular definition of today’s liberal with someone who actually sees a problem and has the initiative to produce a solution for it. Dependence on the government to live is not in any way progress.

Dave Blake said...

It makes sense to me. Makes me proud to be a bleeding heart treehugger who tries hard to get along with the self-centered (taking care of my own), undereducated (climate change deniers), hateful/racist (birther), hypocritical (constitution, freedom, patriot, like you invented the words), fools (we gotta protect the super rich who don't give a sarcastic diddly dang about me). I'll keep trying, since I know people who should be good people that feel that way (thank you, fox noise), but it is difficult to have a conversation in this atmosphere.

Paulina said...

My argument is not irrelevant since I argue for the worth of progressives versus conservatives. Where the Republican party is at now, is remarkably different even from the turn of the 20th century, so party affiliation is not always the same as ideology, which is what is important here. All the programs mentioned are a product of what conservatives call Big Government, or even more rudely the gumbit.

Anonymous said...

You missed the part where the R&D for Joe's medication was funded by the NIH and its patents then sold cheaply to Big Pharma.

Anonymous said...

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121856786326834083.html

Above is a great article pertaining to the Democratic Party's irrefutable link to racism. Perhaps a huge reason why the majority of Dems FINALLY started pushing for a pro-civil-rights platform was because they realized how much of the black vote they were missing out on. I do fully realize that, yes, there were a minority of Dems who supported Civil Rights. Great men who did great things, like Jack and Robert Kennedy.
Democrats redid what Republicans had accomplished a hundred years previous and as a result the Left seems to think the Democrats were pro-civil-rights all along. I'm sorry, but you can't ignore the past and the fact that the Democratic party supported and upheld the abuse, rape, and exploitation of millions of slaves… and up until Civil Rights took hold, denied them their full Constitutional Rights.
According to you, racism belongs to one party, the one that isn’t yours, of course. Well, I have unfortunately met plenty of Democrats who are racist, and plenty of Democrats who are homophobic, and yes, of course there are plenty of Republicans who happen to be racist as well as homophobic.
I do know quite a few conservatives who support Gay rights and wholly believe in “All men are created equal” too much to treat anyone lesser than themselves.
One party does not own racism, but Democrats have a documented history of racism. The Republican party does not have said history. You can’t erase your past because it contradicts what you stand for today.
The one huge thing that I disagree with regarding the Republican platform is the issue of Gay Rights. Hopefully, very soon, the LGBT community will receive equal rights that heterosexual citizens enjoy. Once more younger Republicans are of age and are elected to office, the GOP platform will change. According to CNN, “most Republicans under age 45 said same-sex couples should have the same benefits as opposite-sex couples, according to an Associated Press-National Constitution Center poll last summer” (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/02/24/opinion/main20035725.shtml).
You have to think, Gay marriage is a relatively new idea (in the grand scheme of human history, damn right it is… and look how long it took for African Americans to gain equal rights… uhhh a few hundred years. Yeah.) and it will take time for a majority to adopt a relatively new idea. Not every Republican is against Gay Rights.
I guess my main point is, both the Democratic party and Republican party have contributed so much to better our nation. It’s so futile to get angry and have all this energy in the form of hate. Let’s take that energy and make things better together.
BTW I consider myself to be fiscally conservative and socially liberal… and highly critical of both parties. Oh and I’m also a lesbian.

Anonymous said...

Many ideas are well made and taken. Assuming most of it accurate historical data here is my response.

There are 2 points in that article that I do disagree with and they are not small matters.

Be aware that Fannie Mae went broke and needed a government (tax payer dollars) bail out to the tune of about $200 billion dollars.

Also my research shows that social security is bankrupt or soon will be. In addition it still consumes about 20% or more of our annual national budget. And to add to the pain, we still are required by federal law to pay into it, yet may never see the benefit.

I did notice that it did not mention two of the biggest and most costly liberal failures in American history, Welfare and food stamps.

I believe the balance the 2 parties bring is very important to our system. It appears that the Tea Party may be a big part of the answer to our future. Time will tell.

KP